Thursday, July 28, 2005
Baby, Don't You Break My Heart Slow
words by Vonda Shepard
music by Vonda Shepard James Newton Howard
I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky
I was believing in you
Am I mistaken do you say,
Do you say what you mean
I want our love to last forever
But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
I like the way you'd hold me
Every night for so long baby
And I like the way you'd say my name
In the middle of the night
While you were sleeping
I was believing in you
Was I mistaken
Do you mean, mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever
Well I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
(Bridge)
You would run around and lead me on forever
While I wait at home thinking that we're together
I wanted our love to last forever
Well I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
``*Debbie* ; 7:59 PM
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Somehow or rather, this song really seem to be what my life is in now, a complete mess.. if not for shaiful that has been in my life for the past few months, i might not have made it till now. Recently, i'm becoming a little paranoid and i know it.. He has been very patient with me and have not given up on me despite my mood swings and horrible words sometimes. I am very glad to have found a person in my life that i can lean on whenever i'm down or when i have to withstand the horrible drastic arguements that are happening at home. My sister and i both realised that our father has changes alot and its not for the better but for something or maybe someone that we are unsure of now.. Seriously i don't seem to know my father anymore.. Its the first time that his telephone bill shot up to a hundred dollars and its also the first time that he locks himself in the room just to have a conversation with someone that seems do darn secretive.. i do wish to find out all the things that are happening and also to cope with my studies.. I am breaking down inside and i know it.. Today i came home earlier because i felt fainting and i couldn't concentrate in class.. I know that i am already falling very ill and that its time for me to forget everything that is happening around me and get on with my studies. But its seems that these things that are happening around me are all causing me to be unable to concentrate with my own life and its even enought to destract me from my social life.. sunday was a jinx, cursed whatever you can call it day because shaiful and i had our first major arguement. But all matters was settled when one party gives in, this time, we both gave in. I still waited for him althought i was very hurt by his comments, and he apologised for having said those. But that wasn't what hurt me, it was the fact that he thought i was going to side Frank. Shaiful, if you ever read this, remember what i told you before? i will choose to be on your side, because i love you. If its getting me into deep trouble to be on your side, than so be it.. Even if its a matter of life and death... You will always be first place in my heart.
Simple plan's untitled
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded
By the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound
But no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto
A time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
``*Debbie* ; 9:36 PM
Sunday, July 24, 2005
It seems to me that there is nothing in life for me to live for anymore.. Sometimes I ask myself why doesn’t shaiful just tell his parents that I’m his girlfriend.. its because he is embarrassed by me? That his girlfriend turns out to be a fat one? Maybe so ba, cause he seems to mind.. he still doesn’t know how to read inside a girl’s heart yet. So much so that he cannot sense that something is bothering his girlfriend.. that she is trying her best to keep happy even though circumstances are going likewise.. I feel my body becoming more and more weak as the days are passing, and sometimes I ask god, why do these things happen to me? Why can’t they just happen to other people that are more more…. I dunno… why me???? Why in the world must it be me????????? I’ve yet to feel that shaiful really loves me for me and not for the fact that I’m just going to be one of the girlfriends in his life.. even so, he doesn’t seem to want people to know that I’m his girlfriend.. maybe time will tell la.. seriously.. maybe time will tell… show me a path god, let me live life the way it is again… god, I need it…. I need miracles in my life now… I don’t want to fall back into depression…
``*Debbie* ; 3:19 AM
Sunday, July 03, 2005
1'st of july.
Its the day that i'm going to meet him again after a long 7 days of not seeing him and its starting to get me all excited and anxious. i was indeed looking forward to meet him.
we went to watch the movie war of the worlds. it was scary man but i had a great pillow to lie on. the pillow gave me a little more warmth and comfort as compared to other pillows. this pillow had hands that also wrapped around my waist that removed a little tension in me. thank you baboon. after the movie, we went to esplanade for his 360 degree photo shot and then to view the beautiful sight of the sunset which left a nice orange shade in the sky. where we stood, the view of the river and the bridge was indeed a awesome view. it kept me in plenty of thoughts. we held onto each other and just kept quiet. unfortunately the moment was ruined by me because i started talking to him and the air that came out of my mouth caused him to be sensitive on his neck. As by how he said, its not that he is sensitive, it the way i approached it. maybe it turns him on, as by this discription, its clear that i was leaning onto him facing him, holding him in my embrace and him holding my waist. honestly that moment was great, i simply loved it. as we made our way back to the mrt station, we held hands as usual and talked. i didn't want the night to come so early but i knew that the great things will never be forever. at the mrt station, i decided to send him onto the mrt first and then to mine, the main reason is because i dun like to see people telling me goodbye, especially when its someone i admire and before we said goodbye, i made a move and gave him a kiss on the cheeks. man i wished that i gave him a kiss in the lips instead. that moment, i felt a great rush of blood into my system and i told myself, i've fallen for the man. That night, i became rather distracted, somehow, i was worried that he would gget affected by my kiss. i told him don't be, cause he will make me inferior. somehow, i dun wanna know if he's just playing along with me and make me feel like he cared about me too but i just thought if he made the effort to, by all means. he cares for the feelings of people so i'm pretty sure he is not the type that will want to hurt others by playing with their feelings. i'm starting school on monday and i hope i'll like it. but i dun wish to drift apart from him. so i'll just let it be how its going to be now.
``*Debbie* ; 2:54 PM
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